This thread caught my attention recently:

Constantly fapping on my aunt

I (25M) is lusting for my aunt (50F). I am constantly fapping on her whenever I am extremely hard. Cant help myself out of it whenever I go to her place. I was about to ask her out for it but then controlled somehow and used the bathroom to fap.

Edit : Thanks for judging me well in the comments guys. But I'd really appreciate it if your words help me to get rid of this situation.

OP is Indian, no surprise there. The English is a dead giveaway, but anyone with enough colonial blood in them will notice that this precise blend of diseased sexuality and genuine r-sluration combined with willful ignorance of the way reality works could only come out of the subcontinent. The entirety of Hindoo culture over however many centuries has culminated in a society whose only success is producing mass amounts of exactly this kind of vile scrote. /r/nofap is a magnet for these kinds of people, being that you by definition need to have been a porn addict at some point in order to quit porn, and that the Hindoo's conservative values stops him from taking up the libertine worldview of, say, an autogynephile, and embracing his sexual pathology as a part of daily life.

The result of this is that every comment that isn't a Goku reaction gif is telling OP that none of this is his fault. After all, how can he be expected to control his urges or take any responsibility for his actions whatsoever after being introduced to the destructive mind virus that is pornography?

I don't wanna be one of those mfs who gonna make fun of you and judge, porn addiction can really frick you up. I advise you seek professional help dude, I hope the best for ya.

I agree with you. It's not right to make fun of OP, & while he does have a problem there's a lot of us who've gotten into messed up stuff because of porn. I think looking at femdom has warped my view of women.

When i was a teenager, i just kept this shit to myself.

When I was a teenager, I didn't have thoughts like these. Huh, weird!

Anyway, the real interesting thing about this post is that it introduced me to the Bizarro alternate universe of Indian gooners. The first thing on OP's profile that caught my attention was him comenting "🍆" under a post titled "Drop a 🍆 if your peepee is longer than 4 inches 👀💦" on a subreddit called /r/BangaloreGW. I found this really funny. My intuition is that if I was a Western pornstar making a post like this, I'd make the cutoff 6 inches: common enough to get loads of comments to boost engagement, but just big enough for people to feel a need to comment. For Bangaloreans, though, the cutoff is 2 inches smaller, and I think I know the reason. It's not just that they have smaller peepees, but also because they can't tell they're being held to deliberately low standards. So instead of choosing just barely above the average, like in my previous example, this woman picks just barely below the average. Genius!

This insight into the Indian mind is all well and good, but the fun really starts when you get to /r/ShagOnHotties, one of OP's absolute favorite subs. I opened this because of the hilariously r-slurred name, expecting that "shagon" was actually just a Hindi TV network or something, but I was wrong. The sidebar describes it as "A place where people can have fun time with each other while shagging on hotties" and the titles are fricking amazing. Here are the top three posts of all time:

Spreading legs wide with camera fully focused on her c*nt, Only a Shameless Gutterpig like Moroccan Hooker Nora Fatehi can do it. Besharam Mulli Chinaal

Kriti Kutti Sanon shifting her nipples sidewards and erecting it upright in no time just by the touch of a man. Just imagine how slutty she will be when no one is around her or when she is surrounded by Bulls. Nymphomaniac C*nt

Shraddha Kapoor red bikini show in HD 🥵 see this and jerk hard guys ✊ coz shraddha really deserves our thick white ropes of c*m 💦 Ahhh saali randi ne pagal kar diya iss movie ke baad 🤩 saala thethre Mai jaake dekhi aur waha tak muth mari maine 😩 kitni maal hai yeh Ind version of lana rhoades

What the frick is wrong with Indians?!?! Gooning is a very high-concept, almost postmodern fetish (masturbating to the idea of masturbating to the idea of masturbating, etc.), so you'd expect Indians to have to make some compromises when embracing it, but this is just so bizzare. It's so... childish? And their tenuous grasp on English vulgarity makes it even better. A "shameless gutterpig"??? How the frick do you come up with this stuff. It reminds me of that video of Lou Reed reading porn ads, except somehow even worse.

Here's another post, which was the first one I saw when I opened the front page:

Bong Raands have the Phattest Butt out there in the entire country, Which is aptly shown by this Cumrag of a Whore Tridha who shamelessly teasing men around her to gape her butthole with multiple peepees cumming inside her in Beach itself.

What a fricking beautifully constructed sentence. Truly Joycean.

And here are two more, which I think, more than anything else I've linked, sum up the Indian male consciousness. If there's one thing I want you to get out of this post, it can be gathered in whole from what I'm about to show you:

Moroccan Raand Nora fatehi jiggling her Phat Butt which can take multiple BBCs, giving a look back on who is staring that fat butt and recording her Butt jiggle. Her erect Nipples are the Perfect Indication of a Rough Gangbang in the vanity van moments before she comes out whoring her Meaty Butt

Priyanka is representing indian desi brown girls in true sense infront of whole world. When you don't get appreciation in your country, just spread that brown kitty infront of white peepees. Still can't forget, how she brainwashed half of india to wear 'bra' instead of 'blouse' with saree in desi girl

And from comments on that second one:

she is the icon for all the brown whores spreading their legs for white peepees

I think these posts speak for themselves, but one thing I will add is that when searching the word "white" on /r/ShagOnHotties I got dozens of posts describing women as "milky white c*nts" and similar epiphets. Apparently being "milky white" is a very sought after trait amongst Indians. Also, the nofap guy whose porn habits I've been stalking tries to apply to jobs using his porn Reddit account. Well done, India, you manage to outdo yourself every time.

deep breath

Spoilers for a 20 year old TV series & TW for special interest 'tism...

The creator/showrunner/lead writer of Gilmore Girls was Amy Sherman-Palladino (ASP), and she's the main person responsible for the unique cozy vibe and fast-paced, reference-heavy dialogue of the original series. She's also something of a crazy control freak who had a very particular predefined arc in mind for the show, one that would highlight the parallels between Rory and her mother and grandmother, Emily (the 3rd Gilmore Girl). For years fans heard about the mysterious "final 4 words" that she already knew would end the series. She's like the opposite of the GoT showrunners who had no idea how the frick they were going to wrap up the ending.

ASP may be a stubborn b-word but she's a good writer with strong hat game

Except... ASP was forced out after the penultimate sixth season of the original run in a contract dispute with the network, the details of which have always been hazy. Toward the end of the sixth season, ASP added a bunch of zany plots (e.g. Lorelai throwing herself at Rory's deadbeat dad, Christopher) that almost seemed like a vindictive attempt to sabotage the show on her way out the door. The new show runners dumped into the thick of it for the seventh season did their best to tie up all the bizarre loose ends, and in doing so they moved away from the predestined fatalism of ASP's original arc - the theme of which could be loosely summed up as "no matter how you try to run away from it, you always grow up to be your mother."

Spoiled douchbag boyfriend, meet spoiled douchebag dad

For example, ASP always had in mind that Rory's rich, spoiled boyfriend, Logan, would be "her Christopher," a dissolute playboy who toys with her heart, knocks her up, and ultimately abandons her - but during the final season without ASP, the writers moved away from that storyline: Logan becomes estranged from his wealthy family, he has to stand on his own two feet, he exhibits personal growth. By the end of the series, he's ready to commit; he doesn't abandon Rory, he wants to marry her, but she decides she's not ready to settle down so young. The original series ends with Rory Gilmore, a promising young journ*list heading off to Iowa to cover the long-shot presidential campaign of a promising young Senator named Barack Obama.

The seventh season is divisive among fans for a few reasons (the hasty resolution of many of ASP's S6 landmine plots, the dialogue feels kind of off, some new characters are sloppily introduced late in the game) but I think most people enjoyed seeing Logan grow up a bit and the way his relationship with Rory matured. Most people liked the ending, and thought it was fitting to have Rory choose herself and her career over a man. There's a little bit of added millennial nostalgia/wish-fulfillment and serendipity to see Rory climbing onto the Obama campaign bus when we know he's going to win that race. As viewers, we figure Rory is off to a great start with a bright future ahead of her covering a landmark campaign up close.

Go get 'em, Ace!

Then, eight years later, Netflix gave ASP an assload of money to make A Year in the Life and she used it to take a giant shit all over Season Seven. She basically returned to Stars Hollow with the intent to settle old scores and give Gilmore Girls the ending that she knew it had to have: even if it didn't make a darn lick of sense almost a decade later. She has claimed that she has never watched S7, that she doesn't even really consider it canon. She said she had an assistant watch it and take notes for her. In AYITL, she kept one baby born in S7, and threw out almost everything else, determined to tell her version of what season 7 should have been.

Netflix: Buying your childhood to wear as a four-piece skinsuit

Lorelai and Luke (her main love interest/will-they-won't-they) act like newlyweds wrestling with the decision about whether to have kids, even though they've been married for the better part of a decade and Lorelai is pushing 50. Rory is broke, directionless and struggling like a new college grad, not like a woman in her 30s with access to a multimillion dollar trust fund. Logan is instantly back to being a useless frickboi: engaged to a beautiful woman we never see, but carrying on an affair with Rory.

The only good storyline in AYITL centers on Emily coming to terms with the loss of her husband, Richard (Rory's grandfather) and that story was forced on ASP by the real-life death of the actor Edward Herrmann. She had to actually write a new, age-appropriate story for Emily instead of dusting off whatever she wanted to do for S7, and it's so much better for it.

Poor Ed's brain cancer is the real MVP of AYITL

There's a bunch of other minor shit that sucks in AYITL: fat-shaming that feels very early-2000s and out of step with modern culture, lazily retconning certain characters to be gay for added diversity, an unfunny retread of the "Ann? Her?" gag from Arrested Development. But the main reason A Year In The Life is terrible is that ASP was too stubborn to incorporate any of the stories that other writers had given to her characters, so instead of a thoughtful extrapolation of how these characters might have lived and grown or changed over almost ten years, she did S7: ASP's Version. It's 2016, not 2007, but no one has changed at all or learned anything in the meantime.

A Year in the Life ends with the famous "final four words" that ASP had always preordained, even if they no longer make any goddarn sense from a narrative perspective:

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm pregnant."

Barely 32 years old and having a bastard with this dude!

---

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, as a reward for your patience, enjoy this spot-on Mad TV parody:

In case you hate the shitty AI voice here's the summary

• In 2018 when he was 12 he discovered reddit. He eventually finds out that there's a karma leaderboard.

• By 2019 he has 3,000 karma. He cringes now looking back at his comments.

• His "breakthrough" happened in March 2019 when a meme he posted got upvoted. It was even reviewed in one of Pewdiepies videos.

• He makes it into /r/EternityClub realizes they're cringe and leaves.

• Still he wants to make it into /r/CenturyClub. Gets banned for 3 days for telling a furry to kill himself Continues grinding and finally gets 100k and makes it into /r/CenturyClub. Realizes they're cringe 30+ year old Americans obsessed with politics and leaves.

• In 2020 he turns his focus to minecraft. Gets bored with that and goes back to reddit.

• He had much more time now because of the pandemic which kept him at home for almost 2 years.

• Now he wanted 1 million karma. He messages Gallowboob for advice. Now he is locked in.

• It took almost a year to reach 100k karma. Another 6 months to 200k. But now it only took 6 days to get to 300k.

• He got every reddit award now. Some guy gave $175 worth of awards

• In September 2020 he reaches 1 million points after only 47 days of grinding. It was quite fast.

• Arnold Schwarzenegger even replied to one of his posts, but he didn't really know who Arnold was

• Now the American election is coming up. He's an Italian kid so he knows nothing about it, but he realizes reddit hates Trump so he starts posting anti Trump memes. They do well. He learns about more American politicians and which ones reddit hates so he can get more karma

• By the end of 2020 he was over 2 million karma.

• He joined a groomercord some Indian guy made called Redditors United where top karma accounts could share advice. He considered them idols, but later realized they were mostly "16 year old Indians with way too much free time. Just like me."

• He still wanted to grind to 10 million karma. He now posted 100 times per day at regular intervals.

• Time was not a problem since he had online school and could keep Google meet open while posting to reddit.

• He made a google spreadsheet to track his progress and aimed for 30k points a day or 1 million a month.

• By his 14th birthday he reached 5 million. He basically just spammed posts now and at one point was averaging 90k points per day. By May 2021 he reached 10 million karma after "5 months of grinding with no breaks."

• But this was starting to negatively affect his school work so he had to take time off reddit to focus on algebra

• He came back to reddit. Now he wanted to be number 1. The target was 38 million "set by /u/CheetahSperm18, a porn addicted American man who posted naked anime girls everyday."

• Someone gets suspicious and sees that this zoomer posted at almost the same times everyday. They assume he's a bot so he gets banned from the /r/BotDefense system. This banned him from 3k subs.

• Undeterred he carried on eventually reaching 25 million karma.

• Now he was back at in person school so he would run home when it finished and spam reddit with more posts. During this time he got banned twice. But appealed them successfully.

• The start of 2022 was great because Putin invaded Russia so now he could spam Zelensky.

• But he notices his karma started slowing. He was banned from too many subs. Had to focus on school. So he took 3 months off.

• He claims now is when he learned python and made a bot to automate his posts. Posting 360 times a day.

• People got mad. Someone reports him and reddit permanently bans him for content manipulation. Other big accounts got banned as well.

Now he was free to touch grass and just posts to his youtube.

Proving that reportmaxxing works!

---

I saw this here

https://old.reddit.com/r/TheoryOfReddit/comments/1c66kpp/how_millions_of_karma_are_made/?sort=controversial

I didn't plan to watch it all due to the annoying voice, but the autism of it drew me in. Where were this kids parents. Absolutely r-slurred. At least he got away from it eventually.

Some background

When they're not busy designing pride flags the folx at Microsoft spend their time coding shitty software. Among these is the new Windows Terminal.

Casey Muratori is a programmer who, despite never releasing anything, clearly considers himself to be some kind of genius.

With that out of the way, here's the drama:

ACT 1: THE ISSUE

Frustrated with the slowness of Windows Terminal when printing colors, Casey submits a github issue. He even develops a benchmark application to accurately measure the speed.

After a bit of back and forth Casey starts to becomes frustrated:

Am I missing something? Why is all this stuff with "runs of characters" happening at all? Why would you ever need to separate the background from the foreground for performance reasons? It really seems like most of the code in the parser/renderer part of the terminal is unnecessary and just slows things down. What this code needs to do is extremely simple and it seems like it has been massively overcomplicated.

He receives this legendary response:

I believe what you’re doing is describing something that might be considered an entire doctoral research project in performant terminal emulation as “extremely simple” somewhat combatively. I am not aware of the body of work around performant GPU terminal emulation

Casey gets angry:

When we're at the stage when something that can be implemented in a weekend is described as "a doctoral research project", and then I am accused of "impugning the reader" for describing something as simple that is extremely simple, we're done. Consider the bug report closed.

After which a different Microsoft employee goes in on him:

You were overly confident in your opinion, but I hope [what I linked] helps you understand that it's actually really darn hard.

Basically the whole team agrees that what is being asked of them is extremely difficult. While Casey is insistent that it's trivially simple.

So who is right? A team of senior engineers in a trillion dollar company or a reclusive game dev?

ACT 2: A WEEKEND PROJECT

Casey tweets the following:

I take back literally everything I said about Microsoft taking an interest in fixing their terminal.https://t.co/K9ojvy1liX

— Casey Muratori (@cmuratori) June 17, 2021

And, over the following weekend, he implements from scratch a terminal that works in the way he proposed. It's ~100x faster than Windows Terminal:

(video timestamped to the part with the pretty colors, although the rest is fun too)

Twitter thread with some juicy questions from the audiance

Then this happens:

Afterward, the same dev [lhecker] also used a fake name to hang out on our groomercord and talk about Windows Terminal without telling anyone who he was. I figured it out and confronted them, and they failed to see anything wrong with that behavior. It's a really special team they have there.

— Casey Muratori (@cmuratori) May 6, 2022

ACT 3: MICROSOFT BENDS THE KNEE

Over the following months, there is an embarrassed silence from the Microsoft team. Eventually they release a blogpost basically admitting they were wrong, but don't mention Casey by name. Note that the person making the post is the one who snuck into Casey's groomercord.

Casey tweets:

When I tell the Windows Terminal team something is simple, I am "misguided", being "somewhat combative" and am "impugning the reader". But a year later when they call the exact same thing "trivial", that is just, you know, them writing a blog post:https://t.co/AXrgZjvUPT pic.twitter.com/UTDrD9s0o6

— Casey Muratori (@cmuratori) May 6, 2022

And finally one of them makes a post on Hacker News seething about the whole thing. Quotes:

We get it, Microsoft sucks, we should all be fired, rah rah rah.

-

Casey, I'm sorry. We made a mistake. I made a mistake! We didn't know what we didn't know, and thought we were clever enough to pass for it.

-

I just don't know what else he's asking for here. Credit? Us to die screaming? The blog post is matter-of-fact, and Casey is right: however, he said himself that it was trivial to do this. Is it not acceptable that we use the same language?

Truly a new low for Microsoft.

---

Want more nerd drama? See the previous post in this series.

Hello Dramanauts,

I have for you today, a dossier. A package containing the assorted information required to understand and appreciate drama in niche topics that I enjoy. The subject of my post for you is: Armored Core 6

Recommended listening for this thread:

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Introduction to the Drama

For those unaware, Armored Core is an incredibly niche mecha action shooter from the wildly popular game developer FromSoftware. You play as a mercenary that pilots an Armored Core, a cutting edge mech and take on missions from corporations in the pursuit of massive profit. Warcrimes, 1 on 1 Duels, Giant Boss Fights, and more await. You may recognize FromSoftware as the company who created the massive Dark Souls franchise and its derivatives.

Armored Core's last release was over a decade ago, and the announcement of AC6 breathed new life into the once dead franchise. Old and new fans alike were hyped for the new game, but discontent was stirring. A strange lack of gameplay and the deliberate hiding of game mechanics created a sense of unease in the assorted fan discussion boards. The big question was about to get its answer... Is it SoulsLike?

---

Souls Like

The veteran fans were affraid that their beloved franchise was going to be gentrified by the addition of mechanics commonly associated with the Dark Souls franchise. From the limited trailers and developer interviews, longtime fans tentatively hoped that the franchise would stay true to its roots. Previous games featured insanely clunky controls, manual aiming, massive customization, and debt. Lots of debt. Veterans feared that the identity of this game would be sacrificed in order to appeal to a much, much larger fanbase.

An example of veteran cope:

https://old.reddit.com/r/armoredcore/comments/14arn4y/ive_never_done_something_like_this_before_but/?sort=controversial

So what exactly are the changes that the dinosaurs are complaining about? In short:

• Hard Lock On/Turning Speed

• Estus Flask Expy

• Big Telegraphed Attacks

• Simplified Customization

I'll give a brief desription of each point to give further context to the coming drama.

Hard Lock/Turning Speed

In all entries prior to AC 6, turning speed is a key stat to design your mech around. This is no longer the case. A key gameplay skill was keeping your opponent in front of your robot. Now that the camera and mech automatically snap to your enemy, this major skill check is almost entirely removed from the core game loop.

Estus Flask

Another core gameplay feature was that damage you take during missions is mostly permanent. You must attempt to complete a mission with the AP (health) that you start with. Certain games had minor ways to replenish health and ammo during a mission, but are exceedingly rare. This is no longer the case. A robot can heal at any point in the game, very similar to the Estus Flask from Dark Souls. Yet another major departure from the previous entries.

Big Telegraphed Attacks

Boss fights are common in the franchise, but the new way to approach them is substantially different now. Referring to the linked gameplay trailer, you can see the boss mech wind up its chainsaw arms and slam down at the player. This was not how bosses worked in the past, which is yet another SoulsLike addition to the game.

Simplified Customization

This one is less important as the others in my opinion, but is still a point for veterans to cope and seethe about. It appears that the types of parts that you can customize your mech with has been reduced. The fewer categories make it slightly easier for new players to approach building a mech which understandably makes the longtime fans sneed.

---

Gatekeeping

Naturally, the long standing fans are clashing with the new blood that the souls franchise brought in. There is shit flinging on all sides as new fans gloat about their soulslike influence while dinosaurs lament the casualization of their beloved mecha franchise. Some choice threads to spectate:

https://old.reddit.com/r/armoredcore/comments/14akgr3/in_defense_of_those_complaining/?sort=controversial

PLEASE understand why us Armored Boomers are upset

https://archived.moe/m/thread/21797331

Thousands of replies from new and old fans absolutely malding, coping, seething, and just a tad of dilating

>Special Note: 1800 replies on a thread like this is absolutely incredible. /m/ is one of the slowest posting boards, so seeing that many replies in such a short window is quite the spectacle.

https://old.reddit.com/r/armoredcore/comments/14abjup/armored_core_was_always_supposed_to_be_like_this/?sort=controversial

These were never meant for YOU

---

Colonization

At this point, the old fans have been almost completely outnumbered by new fans of the franchise. As unfortunate as this is for oldies, the result was inevitable. Just for some context as to the size disparity of the Armored Core and Souls franchises, the best selling AC game is Armored Core 2 at a respectable 790,000 copies sold. Compare that to Elden Ring's 17 million copies. That many copies? In how many years?

https://screenrant.com/best-selling-fromsoftware-games-ranked/#sekiro-shadows-die-twice---5-million

Screen 🤢 Rant 🤮 I know but proves the point

The economics of the situation guaranteed that Armored Core would get with the times and become the Armored Souls and Mechiro that the fans so dearly wanted. Now that the takeover is basically complete, we get the typical threads you'd expect.

https://old.reddit.com/r/armoredcore/comments/14at5pk/why_are_people_in_this_community_so_threatened_by/?sort=controversial

We MUST protect the honor of small indie dev! Just buy the game!

https://old.reddit.com/r/armoredcore/comments/14aovhi/what_vaatividya_did_for_armored_core_was_a/?sort=controversial

I will deepthroat the entire shaft of muh heckin favorite Dark Souls YouTuber!!!!!

https://old.reddit.com/r/armoredcore/comments/14ac1bj/at_this_point_there_are_more_people_complaining/?sort=controversial

Total Oldfan Death has been achieved

---

What NEXT?

It seems that the bickering is losing steam, and the Armored Core subreddit is entering a state of equilibrium. Topical memes are being posted again and the general hype for the new entry is returning. The old guard have been thoroughly defeated, coming to terms that their favorite mecha game is permanently changing.

https://old.reddit.com/r/armoredcore/comments/14art59/august_25_is_almost_here_3/?sort=controversial

GOTY would be incredible, but mecha is still repulsive to western audiences

https://old.reddit.com/r/armoredcore/comments/14ak2c0/we_get_to_fight_drug_addicted_space_hippies_with/?sort=controversial

Completely accurate assessment

https://old.reddit.com/r/armoredcore/comments/14a94gx/i_was_bored/?sort=controversial

Newfans doing a victory lap on the oldfans

At this point, we can only wait until August and see how the game is first hand.

---

My Take on the Matter

Armored Core is going the way of souls. Is this a good change? Or the total destruction of a niche beloved franchise?

Truthfully, I think the changes are good. I believe that we old fans have extreme rose colored glasses for the ancient and archaic control scheme of the PS2 era games. Note that those games did not even use twin sticks despite being on the console for several years.

The games are going to be fun and my extreme hopium is that the mecha genre in the west gains much more widespread approval.

---

What do you think?

These changes have sparked a wave of discussion. Do you think the changes are great? Or are you coping about your favorite robot game getting gentrified?

Most importantly, Are you going to play Armored Core 6?

Thank you for reading, more dossiers to come